Every couple used to have various problems in their relationships due to several reasons. Problems that were not fixed can result in a break-up or long time of unhappiness between the two people; in addition, this issue can influence the children of the couple in a negative way. Usually problems in relationships can be caused by several reasons, such as lack of trust, cheat, stresses, and other significant issues. There are many opinions that sex is a mirror of relationships. The issue is that problems in relationships can be caused by sexual problems and vice versa. Sexual problems in relationships can be the result of misunderstanding, lack of trust, or problems in life that caused stress or nervous breakdowns. The topic of the essay is relationships problems in the context of human sexuality, where the main point is to reduce possible negative consequences that can appear in the couple. My role in the essay is a marriage adviser, the audience is parents, and the form or the product is an advice column.
Sexual problems are one of the most significant issues in any relationship. The main negative feature of sexual problems is that people are usually afraid of discussing such topics, and in many cases these issues can’t be ignored. Couples sometimes do not understand the necessity of visiting family’s counselor or doctor. There are several sexual problems, such as pain, disappointment, when one partner is gone off sex, rows, and sulks. The reasons of these problems can be different, both mental and physical. The physical ones can be caused by drug addiction, alcohol, or different illnesses. The fact is that the people, who drink many alcohol or are drug-addicted, cannot succeeded in sexual relationships and will always have problems in the relationships with their partners because of constant health problems. This problem is especially difficult for men, as they are afraid of speaking about their health problems concerning sexual life. This silence can result in more problems in relationships. Another reason can be caused by lack of self-esteem or aging. The first reason, lack of self-esteem, is one of the most spread reasons of relationships problems. Partners, who have emotional problems, depression, or nervous breakdowns usually have problems in their relationships, as it disturbs every aspect of it. A person, who has problems at work for example, can have lack of self-esteem, and this issue will cause many sexual problems. Aging is a similar problem, as the older people become, the more problems in their sexual life appear. Another major reason is betrayal of trust that usually results in misunderstanding between the partners and decrease in sexual affection. Sex is something intimate, when people are becoming closer to each other, and problems in sex usually mean problems in emotional relationships as well. Relationships problems also vary according to the status of couple’s relationships. For example, couple of lovers, pre-marital, or marital couples can have different problems. Married couples with children can have many sexual and other relationships problems, as they are usually too busy with their routine life, or their marriage last for a long time, and this can result in sexual problems. The main problem in couples is silence, as sometimes partners do not want to discuss such intimate question, and this can have extremely negative consequences.
Relationships problems in married couples with children need a real specialist for solving them. Children require much energy of both parents, and as a result they cannot find enough time for each other. In addition, constantly growing duties also can result in conflicts, where partners can have various emotional and mental problems.
The topic is surrounded by the issue of problems in relationships and as the audience is parents, it is possible to conclude that the main point is sexual problems among the married couples. The issue is that married couples usually have routine life, which consequently results in many problems. Family couples should care about their children, house, and many other routine activities, and sometimes they have lack of time on their relationships. That is why there is such a service as marriage counseling, which will help a couple to solve various relationships problems, as well as problems in their sexual life. The specialist can play a role of a doctor, a friend, and a personal psychologist. When the couple faces problems in their relationships, it is vital for both sides to listen to each other and to be honest with each other. If each of the partners attends such specialist independently, it can result in misunderstanding, break up, or even divorce. Dr. Berman claims that “Especially if you're in a long-term relationship, you're always going through ebbs and flows physically, socially and environmentally. You can’t expect everything to be working perfectly all the time. You’ve got to fine-tune things along the way” (Oprah, n.d.).
The practice of attending a marriage counselor became wide spread in the western countries, especially in the USA. There are different types of counseling, such as relationships, couples, and marriage counseling. Marriage counseling can also be called marital therapy. This service is an extremely helpful for those, who faced various relationships problems. The fact is that many married couples have sexless marriages. Dr. Berman adds “But as far as just laying in bed and being close to each other and maybe caressing, Debbie is hesitant to do that because I’m very easily aroused and she thinks that will be the green light” (Oprah, n.d.).
Sexless marriage is one of the most frequent problems, which marriage counselors usually face. The reasons of this problem can be various and result in divorce or other issues. Many researches show that couples that do not have sex for a long time are more likely to break up or divorce. The fact is that sex is a mirror of relationships or at least one of the most vital parts of the relationships. The couples, who do not have sexual life, are usually unhappy and consequently have other problems. The reasons can be various, when one of the partners or both of them do not want to have sex, some people can be even asexual. The core of this problem can come from the past, where people had different attitude towards sex in comparison with modern society. In the past, contraceptive preparations and sex limitation were necessary in order to limit the amount of children in the family. Another major reason is prejudices, which humanity has been facing for a long time. The church has always been trying to limit sex in relationships. Moreover, in the past, sex was viewed as something dirty or as a sin. It was said that women cannot get satisfaction from sex and that it was just of their routine duty.
In the Victorian era, such term as “Ladies don’t move” appeared, meaning that women cannot be satisfied from sex and should not show any reaction during it. These issues have been unconsciously reflected in the human’s mind. Today, people have more positive attitude towards sex; however, many of them still possess prejudices, which interfere their sexual life. In many cases, women are more likely to suffer from this problem. From the past time, women suffered from the pressure of men, society, and different institutions, that imposed them the idea that sex is dirty, and that women should avoid it even in marriages (Parker-Pope, 2009). Sexless life in marriages is the most discussed issue in the recent years, and this problem usually needs a professional therapy. It is vital to attend a marriage counselor in such cases, as sexless life inside marriage consequently results in death of the marriage. In most cases, marriages, where sex never happens or happens very rarely, signifies the death of love and marriage, and that people are staying together just because of money, children, or insurance. In addition, in many cases lack or absence of sex result in cheat. Moreover, people suffer from depression and nervous breakdowns. However, there are some examples, where both partners have platonic relationships; in most cases, it can happen in aged couples.
Sexless marriage is an extremely dangerous for good and healthy relationships. The fact is that many couples live without sex for years and even avoid speaking about it. Not only moral aspects or unconscious prejudices can be the main reason of sexless life in marriages, but also some other facts. Conflicts in relationships can result in lack of trust and anger towards each other. Other problems in sex relationships can be caused by busy life of partners. The issue is that couples in marriage are usually extremely busy and sometimes they just do not have time for sex. Sometimes couples fix a significant date or time for sex, and, as a result, sex is becoming not spontaneous, but ordinary and routine. Especially this issue concerns parents, as children usually take a lot of time. Working parents usually face sexual problems in their relationships more than other couples. Especially when the child is little, parents do not have time, as all their duties are dedicated to a child. Mother usually pays more attention to their children rather than to their husband, and this can result in relationships problems.
There are also many cases, when partners get bored of each other. Sex becomes not enjoyable for the married partners; especially for those couples, who live for a long time together and become less interested in each other. According to Gallagher “In some marriages, rediscovering a satisfying sex life can involve communicating what does and doesn’t feel good, asking for sexual acts that are not being given, or asking for more variety if it's become too predictable or repetitive” (2012). Marriage counselor can be extremely useful in such cases. The specialist of relationships problems can find the new ways of diversifying sex relationships and solving this problem. In addition, such therapy helps in recognizing real partners’ desires and in becoming honest with each other in such issues. Partners can have different problems in sexual relationships, men usually suffer from physical problems, and in most cases it can be one of the reasons of sexual problems in relationships.
Dr. Michael Werner says that “Sexual dysfunction, however, is not necessarily something that is in one's head, and is a major reason sexual relationships suffer. Erectile dysfunction among men aged 65 and older is usually related to physical problems” (Fix & Health, 2013).
The main problem is that men even more than women are afraid of talking about their problems in sex. In addition, men are usually less careful with their health than women are, and refuse to attend a doctor. In this case, it is vital to talk to the wife, and together search for possible solution. It is necessary to go to the doctor or marriage counselor, and it is extremely important to support each other, and to be honest in any situation. Another problem, which men usually face, is low self-esteem. Men, who have problems at work, or who cannot realize all the projects they want, can have depressive mood all the time and this will reflect in his relationships and sexual life. Lack of self-esteem also can be caused by wife, as sometimes women do not show enough respect towards their men, they can press on them, and do not treat one as a man or as a head of the family.
Women cam also face the same problems, but their character and organism are more complex. The first problem can be mental or emotional. As it was mentioned above, such issues as lack of time, depression, stresses, and family duties can result in decrease of the interest in sex. Another major reason is PMS syndrome that usually has various emotional breakdowns that can effect the relationships and sex life in the couple.
Each woman in the world has menstrual cycle, which usually lasts from 21 to 35 days, and its period lasts from three to seven days. It, of course, happens in the different periods and varies in length, time, and symptoms or violations. More than 85 percent of women, who have regular cycles, at least from time to time feel menstrual symptoms of frustration, which usually appear before their periods. According to the various psychological and medical researches, this period begins a day before that period and has a phase of “high risk” for women. Therefore, there is such a term, as PMS or a premenstrual syndrome, which defines the period of a menstrual cycle that means various symptoms of PMS, such as an emotional shock, grief, aggression, irritability, morbidity of breast, and spasms.
In summary, women can have both mental and emotional disorders, and these violations cause many negative consequences; therefore, it is necessary to see this question deeply and to make possible efforts in order to reduce the negative consequences of PMS. The premenstrual period usually lasts for about four days and has various symptoms, which each woman has. Usually the period lasts from three to seven days; however, some patients can have even fourteen days. Emotional frustration, which usually happens during PMS, includes various somatic and psychological complaints, such as a depression, aggression, irritability, sleeplessness, bad coordination and concentration, and many others. One of the authors, who observes this issue, is Karen Horney, and in her book Feminine Psychology, she claims that these premenstrual disorders occur more often before the period and include degrees of tension ranging from the feeling of self-deprecation and a feeling of “everything is too much”, as well as oppression and severe depression. Many researches show that PMS has troubled almost all women; however, only 10% of the symptoms are severe. Severe PMS is more common in 30 and 40 years old women, rather than in the younger ones. Psychotic episodes of PMS on a cyclical basis are more frequent in younger women (Riven, 1983).
There are many approaches for saving a marriage and healing sex life of the partners. Partners must listen to each other and speak about their expectations. They should be attentive to each other, honest, and show respect and love. Refuse of talking about problems in sex can result in divorce and cheat, where the partners will seek to find another partner to satisfy his or her needs.
Denise Charles says “Having acknowledged that there are sexual differences between men and women and that we should pander to our partner’s needs as much as is humanly or realistically possible, there is always the other side. A spouse who loves to constantly heat it up must still learn how to cool it down” (n.d.). Another issue is that it is vital to feel free attending a doctor or marriage counselor, as marriage counselor can help to find mental or psychological problems, and the doctor will help in finding the physical problems. In addition, attending doctor is crucial, as sometimes couples do not recognize the danger of their illnesses, so healthy sex means health as well. As it was mentioned above, some couples have problems in the sexual relationships, because of lack of spontaneity or desire, so both partners must find the new ways to diversify their sex life. The most vital part in healing relationships inside marriage is honesty, both partners must talk to each other in order to avoid more negative consequences.
In conclusion, sexual problems in the relations are one of the most significant problems a couple can face. The main negative feature of sexual problems is that people are usually afraid to discuss such subjects, and in many cases these questions can’t be ignored. Couples sometimes do not understand the necessity of visiting the consultant of a family or doctor. In order to solve the problematic relations in married couples with children, the real specialist is absolutely necessary. Children demand a lot of energy of both parents, and as a result the parents cannot find enough time for each other. Married couples have to care for the children, the house, and many other routine actions, and sometimes they have lack of time for their relations. There are many approaches for saving a marriage and healing the sexual life of partners. Partners have to listen to each other and speak about their expectations. They have to be attentive to each other, honest, and show respect and love. Refuse to speak about problems in sex can lead to divorce and deceive, when the partners look for someone else to satisfy the requirements.
- Charles, D. J. (n.d.). Healing a low-sex marriage. Hitched. Retrieved October 27, 2013, from: http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=1245
- Fit & Health. (2013). Overcoming Physical Barriers. Fix & Health. Retrieved October 27, 2013, from: http://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/marriage/marriage-and-sex-dictionary3.htm
- Galagher, C. (2012, February 2). 7 Ways Sex Can Kill a Marriage. Huff Post. The Blog. Retrieved October 27, 2013, from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-gallagher/7-ways-sex-can-kill-a-mar_b_2506541.html
- Oprah. (n.d.). The sex files. Oprah. Retrieved October 27, 2013, from: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Secrets-of-Sex-Therapy-How-to-Improve-Your-Sex-Life
- Parker-Pope, T. (2009). When sex leaves the marriage. The New York Times. Retrieved October 27, 2013, from: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/03/when-sex-leaves-the-marriage/
- Riven, L. (1983, October). Premenstrual syndrome: A psychological overview. Can. Fam. Physician, Vol. 28. Retrieved October 27, 2013, from: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2153940/pdf/canfamphys00236-0161.pdf
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